I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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