You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
