It's Friday. Sex?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
