you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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