cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize