I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
