i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lost the right to judge tonight
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
