Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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