I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
