I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
