You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
