why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
