I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
