I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
