yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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