Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
