did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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