The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
