please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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