remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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