I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
