what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
