you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize