So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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