At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
