no, he came in my armpit
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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