he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
