I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
