We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
