Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
