She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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