Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
