I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
