We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize