I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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