i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
