I just pynch a tree in the face
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
