you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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