My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
