HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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