What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
