Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
