Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
