i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
