When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
