Me too!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
