Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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