I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
