jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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