I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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