nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
