Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
