i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
