grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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