i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
