At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
