Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
