it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
