dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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