Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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