she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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