so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
