I wish I could teleport
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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