is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
