I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
