If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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