I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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