I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
