I didn't shave. On purpose
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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