Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
