sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
