Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
