My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
