Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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