I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
