you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
