she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
