ugly people sure do ruin things
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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