Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Watching her eat just hurts me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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