so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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