she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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