I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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