Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
