Apparently you make a good broom.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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