Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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