This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you had me at cake vodka
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
