Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
