just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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